What's next?

 Uh-huh uh-huh...!

This is what is on many people's minds. "Oh so you're done with your degree and your NYSC so, what's next?"

You probably have a good guess of what they're thinking... Marriage!

I don't know who created this format, a kind of one size fits all solution. Many people expect that the natural course of things is for you to present a man. This is not bad at all but what if the miss hasn't found "the man" to present? What happens then?

I dislike that someone somewhere will design a template of the course my life is supposed to take. I am a dreamer living in a country where dreams get crushed almost at every junction. That is heart breaking enough. I am young woman with goals and aspirations that don't just start and end with marriage. There is so much more for me to do, to try, to even aim for. So marriage doesn't have to be next (even though I have nothing against it). Whatever comes next is what comes next.

Let's stop pushing young women in to relationships they aren't ready for just because we feel that should be the next thing on her to do list. Marriage really is a beautiful thing, however it is not something to be rushed in to. It requires caution, consideration and loads of prayers.

Instead of pushing ladies to worry about something they have no control over, isn't it better to encourage them to develop themselves by carving a niche for themselves somewhere. Anywhere nice that will breed profitable outcomes. This is going to benefit them and help them whenever marriage comes.

All in all what I'm saying is that it's okay if you're yet to find Mr. Right. There is more to life, you can use the time to better yourself instead of sulking because people won't stop poking their mouths in your business.  Invest in you for a better you!

xx

Embracing skinny

Have you ever been body shamed? Hey! Do you even know what body shaming is?

If you're Nigerian, I am sure you've experienced it one way or another. As we have this unhealthy obsession and outspoken opinion about people's bodies, most times passed on as a joke but is it ever really just a joke? I doubt it. Well, let me take through my little journey.

I have always been skinny (okay, I was a bit chubby as a baby but that's that) and I'm also not much of a foodie, so some people blame my weight on how little I eat (story, story). The skinniness followed me to my teenage years and oh, you know how that stage can be. Puberty comes with it's magic and drama to change your body, you know. Well, I went through it like any normal teenager but came out of it well not quite like just any other teenager. I didn't really put on any more weight and my 'womanly features' were not as pronounced as that of my mates. I couldn't kill myself now so life moved on while my insecurities hatched from ant sized entities to bigger demons eating me up within.

People are more than their bodies. That is what many people have a hard time understanding. It's like the popular saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Don't judge a whole human because of some physical lapse you think they have. I've seen people who aren't the most physically attractive but whoose hearts outshine everything that's outside of them.

If you have been body shamed too (which you probably have), don't let that define you. There are many low self esteemed people out there trying to prey on other people's insecurities to make themselves feel better. You need to grow a thick skin! You shouldn't crack everytime some one throws a negative comment about your body. You just have to love your body and embrace its imperfections. We really don't appreciate it enough. Just think of all you do with your body everyday and how it keeps you going. How many people really take good care of their bodies? Yet push it around all day everyday. You don't owe anyone perfection, especially not some random person who is mean enough to throw a negative comment.

Eat healthy, exercise, take breaks and embrace your uniqueness. When I was younger, people's negative comments about how I carry myself made me hate certain things about myself that I couldn't change. Many years later those same things have become things I love the most about myself. It's truly liberating.

I'll tell you more about my personal experiences. I walk in to a room with nothing but determination on my mind while some random insecure lady ( I know that now) from the end of the room gives me dirty looks. What's her excuse? I'm catwalking in to the room like it's a red carpet. The old me would try hard to explain how I was just walking in but the new me just claims it. "Yes, the walk in sorta felt like a red carpet moment!" I don't even have time to let someone else's insecurities put me down. If you envy the catwalk, do one yourself (i.e if you can). I used to feel the need to explain myself now I just don't care. If the simple action of me walking in to a room makes you uncomfortable, I wonder how you'll feel when I take the podium! It's such a pity really.

The reason people continue this torment is that we let them awaken our insecurities and we shrink right in front of them. Kids who are chubby suffer this stigma from when they're too young till they grow to become insecure which is so unfair. I have seen an instance where adults spoke of a 17 year old that she should get married early because she's so big. Which part of her being big is her fault? Anyone who has the tiniest bit of sense knows she's young just by looking at her. Some people have fast growth spurt. I have many younger ones who look bigger than me, does that mean they should get married off? We shouldn't pressure young people because of their bodies, you only get to be a child once, these kids should be left to enjoy it. After all we're all struggling with adulthood.

My experience with body shaming has been all shades nasty. I can't believe I laugh about it these days. They used to be such difficult topics for me back in the days. It took so many years to get to this point of being very comfortable in my skin. The journey hasn't been without scars but I'm still thankful. Those scars have created an artist in me, they have gifted me a new project that's one of the truest things I have ever written, a collection of poems inspired by own personal experiences. I have never been as happy as I am about it than I've been about anything I've written. It has created a new me aa the old me never talks about difficult things talk more of writing about them.

We're created in different forms and shapes. We don't all have to be the same. We were made that way by God through his divine wisdom. We have too much to be grateful for instead of finding faults. I hope you are able to silence the voices people might have forced in to your head about your body. You are more than the beautiful exterior that houses all the awesomeness that is you.

Happy new month my loves!!

xx

The homemaker role

 

Hello there! I hope you have been staying safe. I have a quick question for you, What is your opinion of full time housewives? How do you view them in relation to working class women?

Okay, I trust the opinion lots of us are guilty of having should have popped up in your mind by now right? That’s what I thought. Well, I have been fortunate enough to experience firsthand what its like to be in full service to a home. I must say that has been the most draining experience I’ve had since I got free from the hinges of academic stress. My goodness! I don’t even have the right words to describe how tedious that stuff is. Oh and get this, I worked 8-5 in my service year so I have experienced the ‘working life’ too. I can say (I am saying this with my full chest) being a full time housewife is more challenging.

People seem to think all you do is lazy around at home, this only works when you’re a lazy person or too insensitive to do what’s right. Unusual chores will call your attention every passing hour. You’ll only get a few hours of rest and even that wouldn’t feel adequate. I swear taking care of kids makes it multiple times harder, just when you think you’re going to get a breather, a little human comes to draw your attention to something and thus begins the cycle of solving whatever his problem is. This gives ‘time’ the perfect opportunity to sneakily pass. When its night, its still that same tired you that will have to help them do loads of homework.

You get so busy taking care of everyone else, that you could become the neglected one. It doesn’t help much even if the people around are kind enough to ask if you’ve eaten or rested because if you’re like me, you can’t even do these things until you’re sure everything is in other and everyone is sorted. It is endless.

I am not trivializing the 8-5 experience I had, it was tasking, draining and a whole lot but honey, staying fully at home all day is hella, hella stressful. There is hardly even time to just breathe, you start with breakfast and before you’ve sat down to have yours, you’ll realize it’s a good time to start preparing lunch. This is a you who possibly has an unfinished book in your computer or the you who has pages left to finish off a really nice book or the you who is eager to catch up on episodes of your favourite soap opera.

It is fulfilling though, especially when kids are involved, seeing that you’ve single handedly prepped and delivered them to school in time makes you want to ask for a medal of honour (actually you deserve it.). At the same time, it takes so much out of you, we don’t appreciate these people enough. Most of them for reasons unknown have had to let go of their dreams. They have put their bodies and mental wellbeing all on the line, certainly not to be looked at like failures. It goes far beyond school days, there is so much to be done at home, you would only know this when you’re always home. You are the one who turns a building in to a sanctuary, a safe haven, a creative den, a prayer house – a home.  The managerial role of a housewife has no vacations or weekends, it’s an endless job. Its unfortunate that it doesn’t pay anything close to what professional jobs do, still the home maker role is one of the most important jobs ever, sadly its underrated. 

One thing I have to add again is that the managerial role isn't easier for working class women, in fact it's much more challenging. They go to work and return home exhausted just like men but it isn't time to rest just yet. They still have to play the home maker role again till it's time for bed.

This post is dedicated to every hard working homemaker including working class women too, you are super heroes running around without capes. You are incredibly strong and amazing!

Happy International women's day!

xx

Burnout Fever

Hello lovelies, it has been a long minute. First of all, happy new year! I pray this year opens doors of goodness, success, happiness and good health.

Who makes their first post of the year at the ending of February?

Uhh… Someone who suffered a burnout.

It won’t be the first time I am experiencing this, it most likely won’t be the last. I hate burnouts! They completely disrupt my creative process, being an unemployed Nigerian, my ‘creative process’ is very important to me. It is the only thing that makes me feel like I am actually doing something. Idleness bothers me. The whole waking up to a predictable schedule is just plain frustrating. It is the very definition of regression. It is a such a huge blessing to have a hobby, a drive, something you look forward to doing. Something that actually requires effort and takes your time. It is definitely a blessing. I know that better now, after this burnout. 

Burnouts don’t just fall from the piths of hell, nada. There is always a trigger, most commonly stress. I found myself in that position towards the ending of last year. It crept up on me slowly, delivering the damage bit by bit. At first I resisted, I kept brushing through the cobwebs it made in my mind forcing some creative juices to spill. It didn’t work for long though, its clutches completely blocked out any will I had to work.  I guess what worsened mine was that I wasn’t just physically exhausted, I was emotionally exhausted. Exhaustion is one of the things that leave me feeling overwhelmed. I don't handle that very well.

I smiled through the physical aspect of the stress because it was caused by something that gave me joy, it was something I loved doing even though it was clearly too much for me to handle. Going to the emotional aspect, urgh! It was a bloody nightmare, I hated every bit of it, it made me want to scream. It was so draining, I literally wished I could blink it away. It ate at me the most. Almost three months later, I am still suffering its devastating effects.

A burnout isn’t something you fight, like I tried doing. It is a process, it works like an indicator, it just means you need a break and it doesn’t send a note with a cute bouquet to inform you, no. It forces you to stop. I think I knew I had to take it slow but I also wanted some level of self-satisfaction that I get from my work, which tells you that I couldn’t be trusted to protect myself from over exhausting myself, hence the grand arrival of Mr. Burnout.

Despite how much I hate burnouts, despite how so behind schedule I have fallen, this break was much needed. Worthy of note is how easy it is to get lost in the ‘break’ that you forget that there is work to be done. I am going to leave you with a takeaway, ‘ Take a break when you are tired, it is okay but don’t let that take away your focus.’

Au revoir!

xx