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It has been awhile! Oh, and so much has happened in between. Trust me when I say, all that has been happening has had it's effects on me and on my willingness to write.

I turned 24 in October, it was in the heat of the #endsars protest. It was just like any other day but it's magic was marred by all that. We all know how the protests ended and all the horrifying things that happened. 

I was so tempted to pick up my own and just pen down all I was feeling. You know that viral image of the Nigerian flag stained in blood? There were so many words fighting to surface but the horror of it all made me avoid it. It's always hard for me to face such things head on. I can't imagine how those closely affected must have felt.

From then, Its been one horrifying news to the other. The rise in the insurgency and insecurity, Oh my! It has been frighteningly crazy…but to lighter topics now.

This year's birthday, wow! It put a lot of things in perspective. I don't have a long list of achievements lined up - not that the ones I have are insignificant. It's just that I aim towards lots of things. It has its perks though most times I am left feeling underachieved. 

I used to get upset with myself for falling short of my goals. However with all that's been happening, I have learned that it's absolutely fine to take it easy with one's self. I think it's an act of self love. There is so much only you know that you go through, even pulling out of them is commendable. It doesn't make you any less an achieved person.

I have come to realize that it's okay to fall short. No, I'm not preaching laziness but I'm advocating for patience. Some of these things you aim for won't come at the speed you imagined them. It's okay to try again another day.

I have learned to take deeper breaths. Sometimes just standing in front of a large Cliff is enough reason to pause and be grateful for the wonderful gift of life. We walk on privileges everyday with ease. We barely even realising how lucky we are.

Am I giving up on my goals? Absolutely not. See, these goals are a part of my endocardium. There's no parting me with them. They form a significant part of who I am and who I aspire to be.  I'm open to achieving them at a pace no matter how slow.

The growth hits fast guys! One minutes you're just a kid with little worries next minute you're faced with life altering decisions, consequential responses, important decisions to be made by little 'you', That part, I haven't figured out yet. I mean it's crazy and it'll certainly take some getting used to.

Most of all, I am grateful for the gift of life. I'm glad that I'm still trying to find a reasonable niche on here to at least add some value in your life, to make an impact, no matter how little. It's been years and my blog should have grown bigger - if I didn't lose my magical consistency with my teenage years. I'm still here trying, lol though bit by bit, we'll get there someday in Shaa Allah.

I will be back soon with my latest adventure, In Shaa Allah.

xx

Amina H.

Growing up and apart

 

If you take a look at your life five or six years ago, you'll see that things have changed even if not drastically. There are things that you used to enjoy that you no longer care about or that you can't find time to do. Whenever you remember them, you just smile and reminisce. It's amazing how time changes things. One minute you're fully immersed in a place, a feeling or even a person the next you struggle to even remember them or how they made you feel.

I have come to realize that growing apart is a painful part of growing up that almost everyone experiences. Despite how sad it is, life goes on. It's like life is the most resilient thing ever, it just goes on without care. You could lose your whole world in the blink of an eye and the sun will still set, rain will still fall, your stomach will still rumble when you're hungry. The only thing that suffers most is your heart. It gets hit so many times but still, like life it also goes on.

I think one of the saddest things is growing apart from someone who you were close to. Personally, being a reclusive and introverted person I rarely open up to people but when I do, it's honest and pure. Losing a connection so rare is truly a loss. It feels surreal at first and then it sinks in like medication injected in to the blood stream, before you can even process it, the whole connection dies out. It leaves you wandering like a lost traveller.  

It's only natural to want to try right? So you - If you're one of the resilient ones - you'd try to regain it, re-establishing it bit by bit. Sometimes this works, it restores the charm but other times the connection blurs away with time leaving behind memories. It's as if we're all far too absorbed in trying to survive that there's just no room for them anymore. We say goodbye without even saying goodbye. 

We move on as if they never meant a thing to us most times never finding a worthy replacement. Have you noticed that some of your best friends are from years ago? It's as if we lose the ability to form genuine connections as we grow older or that the woes of adulthood change us so much that we don't know purity anymore. 

Sometimes I go looking for the genuineness in children's eyes. They are truly the purest of us. Irrespective of the warmth I feel when I watch them, my heart mourns for them. Who knows what surprises await them in growth? I wish I could take that eagerness they feel to grow because I had it too. Haha, now I just wish time would slow down, that the ageing process will freeze for a while and just let me be but of course those are just dreams.

In reality, I just try to live in the moment. This thing call youthfulness, we all should try to make good use of it because with all things, time snatches it away fast. Then you'll be left with nostalgia and smoothening wrinkles. Live life to the fullest my loves!

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @meenahtu_99 and @99_lifestyle, Also join me on Facebook Meenah 99.

See you next time!

xx

A rant in time..

 

(You're going to need a hot cup of tea for this one).

Do you know anyone with domineering opinions in your life? Have you ever been around these people? Have you ever been close to such people? Well, I have, unfortunately. I have someone dear to my heart that has such a personality, believe me when I say I struggle to stay afloat whenever we get in to an argument.

First of all, there is the I know better than you unapologetic behavior. Ah! This kills me. It sometimes makes me wish I had the I-don’t-care attitude but since I don’t, I end up suffering through it. In my case, I’d say this person is actually quite blessed in a wide range of topics but my darlings, no one is always right.

 Personally, I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and beliefs no matter how conflicting those may be to mine. We are different people, brought up in different ways by different people of course our behavior will conflict with that of each other. Its sort of like a marriage, no one is always right but to make it work we have to learn to consider each other and respect each other’s opinion even educate each other as need be. So even if you do know better than people, its okay to listen to them speak their opinion then calmly educate them as the more learned person. No be fight!

Then there is that issue of drawing up conclusions on you and your ideas based on general opinion on matters. What I have come to understand about my twenties is that I am still growing in to who I really am. I am far from being there yet, I have a billion things left to learn about life. My opinions are formed based on what I know and have already experienced. This is why I am open to learning, most times when I give my viewpoints I add that it’s my opinion at this point in time.

 Whenever I give general opinions, haba! I get it plastered all around my face as if it isn’t subject to change. You may wonder how I handle the toxicity, hahaha! Guys I’m simply winging it. Sometimes there is a burning need to clarify my opinion other times I just give up. I don’t always have energy to define who I really am, the people who know know. Those who don’t are allowed to wonder in peace.

The most difficult part for me has to be the lack of consideration for others maybe because I am the opposite of this. Life is super hard for all of us, a little consideration goes a long way. I love making excuses for people, it isn’t always easy but I try because I know we all struggle. The truth is I don’t always do it as sometimes I’m also drained from fighting my demons off. It is because I know what its like, that I try to consider others. My opinion doesn’t have to be final, there is room to compare and contrast things and go with the most logical one.

 As I’ve learned the hard way, some people do not care about your opinion, they put themselves first, second and third. If they are hurting, everything comes to a standstill because the king is down but if you are they always come up with the most careless and flimsy excuses to explain your situation which is basically a fancy way of putting all the blame on you. I do not need to explain how suffocating that is, its simply horrible. I am sure you can tell that is if you haven't had a first hand experience yourself.

I had to get to the end of this post first before realizing that it's a rant🤭 Here comes that calming feeling after letting go of all that bad energy 😅

Okay I still want to hear your thoughts on this rant...Do drop your comments.

See you next time with something that isn't a rant.

xx

Being Female in the North

 

Hello lovelies, I hope you’re in good health and keeping safe?

Today, I have an interesting topic for you, also a broad one but sadly I’ll only talk about a small part of it. You might be wondering what’s so special about ‘being female in the North’ right? Well, it is more challenging than it is special. I know many ladies will agree with me on that. 

Right from birth we are being treated differently, raised with more caution and modelled in to an ideal ‘wife’ from a tender age. It is as though being that ideal wife is the sole purpose of your existence. Don’t get me wrong, being an ideal wife is a big achievement but one can be an ideal wife and a successful something else career wise. I don’t like limitations. Simply being an ideal wife is like clipping off a bird’s wings. It can reach many places had its wings still been intact. Yet it runs deeper than you can imagine. It isn’t just about being the ideal ‘Mrs’, it stems in to being responsible for almost everything that goes wrong in a relationship whether you are to be blamed or not. You’re essentially a maker, I’d have said a home maker but you become a maker even before you have your own home. 

I’ll tell you a little story, a couple of years ago I was having boy trouble (Yes I know what you’re thinking, take your microscopic eyes off me lols) and I confided in two people. The first one was a guy who thought I was being dramatic, he didn’t say it in those words though and he hadn’t even heard the full story yet. The second was a lady older, she said to me “You know you have to be patient in these situations.”

 None of them asked me for the full story but already it sounded like I was in the wrong. They both had a point but did any of them get ‘the’ point? Don’t get me wrong I’m glad none of them blindly supported me but it scared me that they both thought I was being extra. I still have that fear to date. Had I been a young lady with a misguided Cinderella notion on relationships I wouldn’t have been afraid but I have always been a realist and I know without a single shred of doubt that there is no perfect, flawless guy on the face of the earth. I am a mess myself so I can’t expect perfection that’s just unrealistic.

 In your twenties I guess there’s a little room for being unrealistic though for me it’s been quite different. From the moment I learned how unrealistic fairy tales are, I lowered my expectations. Despite lowering my expectations I still believe there should be a limit to things. There are things that are plainly wrong and disrespectful. Those shouldn’t be compromised as they are the foundation for any solid, healthy relationship. Instead of my confidants to hear the full story they jumped the gun on me. It made me wonder what if it was a marriage and I needed them to understand my viewpoint? Is that how they would have blamed it all on me? That would make any normal person pause for a bit.

Looking at the bigger picture, I realize that it’s kind of always been like that except in few cases. If you’re wronged, society expects you to sit and quietly take it. You could choose to complain about it but the responses you’d get would make you wish you hadn’t opened your mouth in the first place. At the end of it all, you’re left helpless in the face of possible oppression. It’s quite ironic since Islam greatly protects women and all that concerns them. So where does this blame it all on her theory come from? 

The answer is a tie between culture and society. Culturally, you’re to be blamed if you can’t ‘keep a man’ completely ignoring the fact that only a man who wants to be kept can be kept. A man can be as reckless as he so wishes and everyone will turn a deaf ear but nonce it’s a girl everyone rallies round to bash her and question the morality of her upbringing. While the ones who have a good reputation are used as rehabilitation centers for badly raised men which really is just sentencing them to a life of heartbreaks and torture.

As a female you are expected to take care of everyone, while having little of that reciprocated. Even in a marital setting, it is culturally frowned upon for a husband to help out his wife. Even the men feel it is demeaning of them to help out. Yes, that is a Sunnah many people turn a deaf ear to you. I mean who wants to be called a ‘mijin Hajiya’? so you see even society doesn’t encourage even the closest person to a woman to help her out. It is seen as a weakness on his part, so you see how doomed we really are? Sometimes I wonder how we, as a religious people let culture gnaw at our core Islamic values. Take a look at our Holy prophet’s attitude towards women and I assure you,you will tumble and fall helplessly in love. Sadly, despite all our claims of wokeness our reality today is very different.

I am a very traditional person who respects her core values but mehn! It breaks my heart to see how every blame falls on a woman’s shoulder. I am not saying all women are saints, God knows some women will make the devil feel like an amateur but on a general note, the expectations are insanely high. If you look at it in another light, I might just be a naïve twenty something year old who thinks she understands it all. I lack the strength to argue if that’s your view point but I like to express my opinion whenever I can, also I am open to updating them as I am still just a child learning about life. It gives me great pleasure to speak my mind as I rarely do that in real life.

My dearest readers, I have to pause my naivety here while I patiently await your views on today’s controversial topic. Please do not forget to follow me on my social media pages and share this post if it interests you. Till next time, xx.

Surviving setbacks

Hello my lovelies!

 We know them, we've heard about them and at some point we've all experienced them. 

What are they? 

Setbacks! 

So you've finally made up your mind to pursue that one thing that you've always wanted and you're full of energy and positivity. Add your efforts in to that and you have a beautiful start to your beloved project, you know it's possible for something to go wrong so you invest extra time to make sure you're left no stone unturned. 

Remarkably, It starts to thrive, your dedication and efforts weren't for nothing after all. The feeling is exhilarating, giving you even more energy to put in to it and then the problems start, sometimes they start off small while other times they come in large sizes to put a dent in all you’ve worked for. It feels like a skyscraper falling at your feet and boy does it hurt like crazy! It’s a special type of hurt because your self-esteem, motivation and energy all suffer major hits. Personally, it makes me want to just quit as most times it’s too unbearable for me. However what I have come to learn over the years is that, a setback happens for a reason. Painful as it may be, it teaches you a very important lesson. You know how they say experience is the best teacher right? It truly is. There might have been something you were blind to with all the thrill of a new seemingly-progressing project or even something you knew about but paid little attention to. It truly is demoralizing especially when it includes financial loses. No good thing comes easy, if you don’t learn from it then that’s just a waste of a painful experience.

 Now on to the main reason I am writing this blog post, ‘the how’. The first thing I’d suggest is for you to take a break. No, I don’t mean go and sleep your sorrows away. After burning all of that energy and commitment then getting to a dead-end, you need to rest and recharge. Now, while you are at it, try to calmly revisit everything and figure out what went wrong. Understanding where the problem comes from is key in knowing how to either reverse it or fix it. The next thing is to re-strategize. If you have successfully figured out the cause of the problem, naturally, the next option would be to fix it. In rising again its either you avoid what caused the first problem, or you go around it. Achieving this would involve re-strategizing, restructuring everything and planning it all again. 

Give yourself some credit. It takes great courage to attempt something in the first place. No matter how supportive people around you are, hardly anyone would give you pat on the back for even attempting something. Success cuts it for people and unless you’re a success story, few people are going to stand around encouraging you. Most of them would laugh in your face then follow it up with how they all knew you were going to fail. Sometimes you have to be your own cheer leader. Talk to yourself as you would to someone you love. 

I will stop here for today; I hope you have picked up something positive from this little post of mine, do let me know your thoughts by dropping comments down below and please do not forget to follow me on my social media pages. xx

LIFE AFTER NYSC

Hello guys, It has been forever! Life had been... well you know how 2020 has dealt with us all right? I hope you have been well and staying safe. This year has put us all through some tough times, hopefully we'll emerge stronger and healthier.

I did my POP(passing out parade) in March. It feels like March happened two years ago. I've heard different stories about 'labour market' so I wasn't expecting anything. My brother - after his service year - said it felt like he'd been dismissed from work🤣

On my part, I anticipated the POP because I'd become fed up with the whole thing. NYSC is demanding and annoying when you're not a 'ghost corper'. It has its moments, really, but my overall experience with CDS and monthly clearance was nasty and stressful. My PPA(place of primary assignment) wasn't helping much either. It got really tiring in those final days especially how I had to work for several hours (that's gist for another day), it was mentally draining. Don't let that last line deceive you, I had the time of my life in my PPA but you know how tiring things can get especially when they're about to be over.

Life post NYSC - I had plans, things to keep me busy while I continue the bumpy journey of finding myself. My plans got slammed in my face once again (Yeah, this has happened one too many times!) because they did not include a pandemic. A global pandemic that I had never imagined happened - is still happening - causing everything to pause. My 'plans' seemed so insignificant compared to all that was happening. Frankly, I did not know that I would still be alive to this date. It felt like the end, it still feels like it.

Since my 'plans' have been put on hold indefinitely. I was stuck home with the familiar and relatable fear of the COVID-19. Oh and let's not forget the imaginary symptoms. I cannot count the number of times I had sore throat, then I started to obsess over the figures which worsened my anxiety. It got so bad I had to stay away from all news COVID-19 related for sometime. It helped ease my anxiety a lot.

It's been hard to find my bearing despite how hard I try. It's so easy for the distractions to take over. I have been using the time to explore other interests. Also, I have learned to care for my hair. I have always wanted long and healthy hair but I pay little or no attention to it. I think it's been about three months since I started taking better care of my hair. It hasn't gone how I expected but it's teaching me patience 🤭 Guess what? I got careless and left a treatment in for too long!

Let's just say I don't just have to worry about increasing the length, regrowth has come in to the equation. Interestingly enough, I don't feel discouraged despite being pained. I find it surprising, still it hurts though😢 The raw truth is that to achieve anything in life, you just have to keep trying.

Also, I've been working on becoming a better and more consistent content creator. It's hard, yet I can't seem to give it up. I guess I will continue working on that and overcoming my camera shyness before I launch my Youtube career... Lol! Whenever you see me there just know that I have arrived! I literally do not know how people comfortably record themselves in public. Anyway I'll take that as a challenge.

Earlier this year, I mentioned trying to gain healthy weight. So, that has also been part of what has kept me busy. I've been researching ways achieve that. My diet contains soy milk, soy milk and soy milk. Don't freak out, I'm not over doing it! We have avocado, dates, carrots, peanut butter, fenugreek and I recently included beetroot. Has it been fast transformation? Nope. It has been a gradual process, it's a whole lot of work and sometimes I just want to quit. Then, I remind myself how I came to this decision on my own and that it's for myself. After months of trying, I now don't fit into most of my clothes. Oh and guess what? Belly fat!! My belly is a bit thicker and I've been freaking out, so I resorted to doing planks🤭. It is amusing as it is annoying but I'm loving the journey.

Now, let's get to the bitter truth. Life after NYSC is hard! There are three slaps awaiting you🤭. This is Nigeria, it's very rare to land a job as soon as you finish service. You'll burn that last 67,800 K faster than you can imagine, then reality will hit you. Lol. It's not funny though. If you've got a job, a hustle or something else doing to earn you money, you may not know anything about those slaps. I won't chastise you if you don't have something doing. I know 'hustle o!' is easier said than done but then if you can, it's a great way to keep yourself occupied before you can put your certificate to use. Even after getting a job, a side hustle really isn't a bad idea, that is if you can. I am no entrepreneur but I know it is hard! You'll want to quit most times but always remind yourself why you started. Let that be your motivation.

Take life day by day, a step at a time. You'll get there as long as you stay on track. I cannot wait to come back and pour out my heart to you again...

xx

UNDERNEATH THE NOISE

Most of the 24 hours in each day, we talk; either in form exchange of pleasantries, side conversation, gossip or deep ones. I'm sure the latter hardly happens, I'm talking about the deep conversations. The ones you have with people closest to you, the ones where you empty out your hearts contents on a blank canvas hoping to decipher some meaning from it. Those conversations where your soul shows as though it were placed in front of a mirror. Those are the important ones. But how often do you have these conversations?

Today is Tuesday but honestly it feels like a Thursday because it's like I have spent over 27 hours in the office this week, coupled with the fact that I haven't been writing well in the past few days. I feel worse, but that isn't the whole truth. There is a lot more going on beneath all of that which I'd probably say is the cause of all that. I talk. I've been talking especially around people I'm comfortable with but so little about what actually matters (probably a wallflower problem). I know where my issues lie, I know what gives me sleepless nights (not literally). The burden of holding so much within me, while I let out so little weighs me down. If you for some reason find this relatable, do read on.

A deep conversation is not a propeller for your dreams to skyrocket in to the skies, No. It is more like a healing balm, a soft nudge, a gentle push in the right direction. It kind of puts things in perspective which isn't a bad place to start. However, not every ear understands such conversations and not just anyone can be a part of it. That's totally normal, so where you you find an ear and a heart that can help?

It's hard but you know there's always a way out. Personally, putting my thoughts on paper help. It gets weight off my chest though I must confess it's been years since I wrote anything in my journal. Being my escape, the thought has crossed my mind a significant number of times this week. I'd say being in your twenties is a pool of many emotions. Sometimes you're floating comfortably at the top while other times you hit rock bottom.

Am I here with a breakthrough? Yes and No. I'll start with the No. No, because I can't tell you I know exactly what is going on everyday in every aspect of my life. I often find myself stuck, despite having a clear image of where I'm heading to. Yes, because I've been in this game for so long, I've had to come up with coping mechanisms.

First, do something. Make wise use of your time engaging in a hobby or a small business even. An idle mind they say is the devil's workshop.

Secondly, pamper yourself. There are only so many people who are willing to do that. Take a shower, wear comfortable cloths, relax in bed with a movie and some snacks. Add a little magic with a scented candle or turaren wuta (If you're like me), some may think it's a tad bit extra but trust me, Aromatherapy works!

Third, open up. I'm not saying break the doors of your inner chambers in from of just anyone. Find a listening ear and talk to them. Sometimes a conversation with one who understands and cares is pure bliss.

Today's post is a clear reflection of how I'm feeling today. I'm glad I've been able to pour out this little piece of my heart here. I hope you've picked up a thing a two.

xx

A day in my life

I just realized that I haven't ever written a post about a day in my life. I'll warn you though, my life isn't particularly interesting, So...here we are. I have about five alarms on my phone (Crazy I know). I cancelled three of them then woke up at five. I dedicated about an hour to praying, then I fell asleep on my praying mat! Uh-huh...that should tell you just how tired I was the day before.

Anywho, I woke up again at 7am then decided to change my position to a more comfortable one (we all know how stories like this end). I woke up an hour later because Wednesdays are for CDS, so I have a little more time to get ready. However, heating the water,getting dressed and having breakfast didn't exactly go according to plan. Frankly, I started my day on an extreme low and not beating time did not help matters also it didn't help that my friends came later than I did.
A few minutes in to it, I started regretting why I went but it got better.
When it was time for the lectures, we had an interactive session on Contraceptives and boy was it something else!

At the end of the lecture, I was still conflicted infact I'm still conflicted. I have researched about it before but not extensively. I still can't decide on what sounds safer (I'll rely on further research). It's one of those moments where I take a moment, pause and exclaim 'Life is hard!' because it really is.

I'm not going to get in to how hilarious the interactive session was because I'd never be able to do justice to how amusing it was. Then there was the debate about whether Contraceptives cause infertility or not. Meanwhile both sides didn't give any convincing points... I'll throw the question to you. Do you think contraceptives can cause infertility?

The rest of CDS was the usual boring stuff. I got home at 12:30 thereabouts, made up for the missed breakfast then took a relaxing nap (probably the best part of my day).

In the evening, I read a little (don't judge me I'm only tryna be a better scientist 😉), had a small bowl of rice and stew, surfed the internet a bit, wrote some poems, worked out and went to sleep__at 11pm🤭. You all know that time has a way of flying right? Ehenn, that's what happend!