What's next?

 Uh-huh uh-huh...!

This is what is on many people's minds. "Oh so you're done with your degree and your NYSC so, what's next?"

You probably have a good guess of what they're thinking... Marriage!

I don't know who created this format, a kind of one size fits all solution. Many people expect that the natural course of things is for you to present a man. This is not bad at all but what if the miss hasn't found "the man" to present? What happens then?

I dislike that someone somewhere will design a template of the course my life is supposed to take. I am a dreamer living in a country where dreams get crushed almost at every junction. That is heart breaking enough. I am young woman with goals and aspirations that don't just start and end with marriage. There is so much more for me to do, to try, to even aim for. So marriage doesn't have to be next (even though I have nothing against it). Whatever comes next is what comes next.

Let's stop pushing young women in to relationships they aren't ready for just because we feel that should be the next thing on her to do list. Marriage really is a beautiful thing, however it is not something to be rushed in to. It requires caution, consideration and loads of prayers.

Instead of pushing ladies to worry about something they have no control over, isn't it better to encourage them to develop themselves by carving a niche for themselves somewhere. Anywhere nice that will breed profitable outcomes. This is going to benefit them and help them whenever marriage comes.

All in all what I'm saying is that it's okay if you're yet to find Mr. Right. There is more to life, you can use the time to better yourself instead of sulking because people won't stop poking their mouths in your business.  Invest in you for a better you!

xx

Embracing skinny

Have you ever been body shamed? Hey! Do you even know what body shaming is?

If you're Nigerian, I am sure you've experienced it one way or another. As we have this unhealthy obsession and outspoken opinion about people's bodies, most times passed on as a joke but is it ever really just a joke? I doubt it. Well, let me take through my little journey.

I have always been skinny (okay, I was a bit chubby as a baby but that's that) and I'm also not much of a foodie, so some people blame my weight on how little I eat (story, story). The skinniness followed me to my teenage years and oh, you know how that stage can be. Puberty comes with it's magic and drama to change your body, you know. Well, I went through it like any normal teenager but came out of it well not quite like just any other teenager. I didn't really put on any more weight and my 'womanly features' were not as pronounced as that of my mates. I couldn't kill myself now so life moved on while my insecurities hatched from ant sized entities to bigger demons eating me up within.

People are more than their bodies. That is what many people have a hard time understanding. It's like the popular saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Don't judge a whole human because of some physical lapse you think they have. I've seen people who aren't the most physically attractive but whoose hearts outshine everything that's outside of them.

If you have been body shamed too (which you probably have), don't let that define you. There are many low self esteemed people out there trying to prey on other people's insecurities to make themselves feel better. You need to grow a thick skin! You shouldn't crack everytime some one throws a negative comment about your body. You just have to love your body and embrace its imperfections. We really don't appreciate it enough. Just think of all you do with your body everyday and how it keeps you going. How many people really take good care of their bodies? Yet push it around all day everyday. You don't owe anyone perfection, especially not some random person who is mean enough to throw a negative comment.

Eat healthy, exercise, take breaks and embrace your uniqueness. When I was younger, people's negative comments about how I carry myself made me hate certain things about myself that I couldn't change. Many years later those same things have become things I love the most about myself. It's truly liberating.

I'll tell you more about my personal experiences. I walk in to a room with nothing but determination on my mind while some random insecure lady ( I know that now) from the end of the room gives me dirty looks. What's her excuse? I'm catwalking in to the room like it's a red carpet. The old me would try hard to explain how I was just walking in but the new me just claims it. "Yes, the walk in sorta felt like a red carpet moment!" I don't even have time to let someone else's insecurities put me down. If you envy the catwalk, do one yourself (i.e if you can). I used to feel the need to explain myself now I just don't care. If the simple action of me walking in to a room makes you uncomfortable, I wonder how you'll feel when I take the podium! It's such a pity really.

The reason people continue this torment is that we let them awaken our insecurities and we shrink right in front of them. Kids who are chubby suffer this stigma from when they're too young till they grow to become insecure which is so unfair. I have seen an instance where adults spoke of a 17 year old that she should get married early because she's so big. Which part of her being big is her fault? Anyone who has the tiniest bit of sense knows she's young just by looking at her. Some people have fast growth spurt. I have many younger ones who look bigger than me, does that mean they should get married off? We shouldn't pressure young people because of their bodies, you only get to be a child once, these kids should be left to enjoy it. After all we're all struggling with adulthood.

My experience with body shaming has been all shades nasty. I can't believe I laugh about it these days. They used to be such difficult topics for me back in the days. It took so many years to get to this point of being very comfortable in my skin. The journey hasn't been without scars but I'm still thankful. Those scars have created an artist in me, they have gifted me a new project that's one of the truest things I have ever written, a collection of poems inspired by own personal experiences. I have never been as happy as I am about it than I've been about anything I've written. It has created a new me aa the old me never talks about difficult things talk more of writing about them.

We're created in different forms and shapes. We don't all have to be the same. We were made that way by God through his divine wisdom. We have too much to be grateful for instead of finding faults. I hope you are able to silence the voices people might have forced in to your head about your body. You are more than the beautiful exterior that houses all the awesomeness that is you.

Happy new month my loves!!

xx