Twelfth October has always felt special for as long as I can remember. It has never felt so challenging. I feel like I’m at crossroads this year. A few days ago, I wished I could slow down time. I guess I made eighteen a sort of safe haven and I wanted to stay there. Birthdays are special days, with the cakes and all the colours but something feels different to me this year, I guess it’s that wave of adulthood coming at me with top speed. I hate the idea of being an adult but I’m taking it step by step, gradually learning to embrace it.
I’ve always seen so much beauty in ‘nineteen’ and I still do. It’s such a young and beautiful age to start living your dreams. I’ve watched people open businesses and win awards at nineteen and some even before it. Although many people believe it is too young, I’ve seen ladies willingly marry at nineteen and thought, “Wow, that’s such a young and good age-IN MY OPINION- to start your life”. There was a ruckus recently on the internet because of an eighteen year olds marriage. It’s actually ironical, in this era where immorality is viewed as normal, moral values are starting to appear immoral which just plain absurd to the northern Nigerian. Anyway that is not the point I’m trying to make here. This new age has always felt so unique to me and now that it’s here feel conflicted.
I’ve celebrated most of my birthdays with cakes and lots of pictures. However this year it’s different. I’m celebrating it with a thousand thoughts running through my mind, a thousand things going on in my mind. I almost can’t believe the figure! There were quite a number of things I thought I would’ve achieved by now. I guess I procrastinated my way here. Once upon a time I did not understand what it meant to be ‘finding oneself’. Now today, those words are the best ones I can possibly think of. I would describe myself as a young lady finding herself, trying to make a name for herself. The older I got the more I’ve wanted to be my own person, to be described by not just other peoples achievements but by my own too. A good example is people saying,”Hey, that’s Amina, the daughter of the chairman” I would prefer to hear “That’s Amina; the chairman’s daughter and she’s a photographer”. Most people won’t even get the difference in the sentences but I guess that’s what makes us different and unique. Some people live their whole lives dreamless, there is nothing they want to achieve, nothing they want to be, they just want to earn a living and that’s all. Infact if you bother them with your dreams they will just think you are being childish or jobless or both. I wonder if it’s the society we live in that kills our ability to dream. A great number of people have failed to achieve their dreams; I’ve personally witnessed many people’s dreams get shattered by JAMB. Maybe our society is filled with heartbroken people who have given up mom dreams. I can’t say I blame them though...but I’m a dreamer, all I do is dream cant not dream, it’ll kill my soul. After all my dreams are growing alongside my age. My eyes have opened to things I did not see before; my thoughts have reached the less privileged, the sick people, the sickle cell warriors, and the internally displaced persons. These are people suffering silently while most of us go about our lives peacefully. We even complain about the nothing and take the easy things for granted. The things we think are easy that are not actually easy to come by for others; peace of mind, a home, good health.
Today; right here right now, I’m still dreaming. I am dreaming of becoming a better person while chasing my dreams at a steady slow pace. I came across some unfinished manuscripts of mine a week ago. I had actually forgotten about most of them. I’ve been trying to write a book since I was nine; so far I have made seven attempts. I’m about to start my eighth attempt which will be more than just an attempt in shaa Allah (God willing). I have a wide range of interests; maybe it’s responsible for the constant chaos in my head. I wonder if its normal, most of them I picked interest in along the way.
I recently fell in love with freezing time; capturing memories, moments, the smiles, the tears and so much more.
Irrespective of all the perks of growing up, I am looking forward to giving back to the community. I might not know how yet, but hopefully I have a lot of time to figure out how to bring smiles to the faces of others or simply giving them my smile even if it’s just for a moment. I am looking forward to making each day and each step count. I look forward to pursuing my vast dreams genuinely.
I am publicly setting goals I would love to achieve if not fully at least start to achieve within this coming year.
I have no idea what your take is on my musings; if it’s inspiring or confusing or just annoying (I hope not!) I am glad you read a little piece of the drama going on in my head. I would love to hear your comments and suggestion on this blog post and on the previous one. Please send your comments, suggestions and observations to meenahtu99@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!
